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  • Sue Engstrom

I'm Not Having Any Fun


Thank goodness I’ve recognized this.

That I’m not having any fun.

That I have fallen into a path of joylessly striving.


I single parent full time 2 children. We have pets. The house is a mess. There’s clutter. There’s dust. The dishes. Oh my, the dishes. I have “to-do” lists piling up. The kids kinda suck at doing chores. They do all the age-appropriate things that can drive a tired parent to tears and adult tantrums.


I’m self-employed. I have a small therapy practice and I am launching a coaching practice. There’s so much to do. Every day. I have a Daily Success Checklist. I have yet to complete all the tasks on any given day. I have papers all over. I am building from the ground up and it’s overwhelming.


BUT WAIT!


I’m a Joy Warrior.

I’m designing a life I love.

RIGHT??????


So, I ask myself, why the f*ck am I JOYLESSLY STRIVING?!?!?


The answer is because I am so remarkably human. I veer off track sometimes. I fall into traps that bring me down. I forget my path. I disconnect from radical trust. From my hard-earned wisdom.


And guess what? THAT’S OK. There is no perfection here. There can’t be. It doesn’t exist. I get to ask myself if I’m doing the best I can. Sometimes the answer is “hell yea!” and sometimes it’s “nope and whoops”.


This is not an easy path I am on.
But I am determined to realign with my JOY.
I invite fun!
Every day, it’s a conscious effort.

This is how I realign:


Gratitude. Gratitude is so deeply connected with Joy. Even on the hardest days, my gratitude for the itty bitty moments carries me through.


Embrace Slow Living. Some days it feels like I am barely making progress. And, honestly, some days that’s the truth. But at the end of the day, if I look at what I’ve checked off the list, I can choose to feel pleased rather than dismayed. Every step forward is progress. I am slowly getting there! This isn’t an excuse to procrastinate. This is permission to have a nurturing process rather than a depleting one. This is permission to move at a pace that allows me to be mindful, to connect with joy throughout the day, and to have some energy to spare for my littles.


Self-Compassion and Forgiveness. Always there needs to be self-compassion and forgiveness. I repeat: always there needs to be self-compassion and forgiveness. Self-compassion allows me to acknowledge that this is really hard and that veering off path happens. It reminds me that I’m not the only single mom entrepreneur out there falling flat on her face; I send them all so much love! Forgiveness lets me choose again without judgment. To choose a higher vibrational thought or feeling other than overwhelm, frustration, and blah. I choose to remember that this is my life, my design. That even when it’s super hard, I don’t have to overidentify with the struggle. (You’ll know you’ve overidentified with your struggle if that’s all you talk and think about.) I choose to slow down my expectations. I choose to grow, to heal, to learn from my fallings.


I choose joy.


And in this joy, I invite fun!


#livewithintention

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